Most days I can
almost forget someone murdered my sister. I try to go through every
day like a normal sixteen-year-old. I can eat breakfast, go to school,
do homework, but then something will remind me that my family will never
be the same. I’ll see my mom looking out the kitchen window—she
has this blank look and her clothes are hanging on her. I worry she
doesn’t eat enough to stay alive. Or I catch a glimpse of the picture
on the coffee table we took three Halloweens ago, when Daisy and I dressed
up like crayons, and Caedan and Lily were Skittles. It seems like a
long time ago, and then, again, I remember it like it just happened.
We finally moved
two weeks ago. Mom decided we couldn’t continue to live in Burbank.
Besides the obvious reason that Daisy’s murderer was never caught,
someone was always staring at us with that look that said, “Isn’t
it so sad what happened to the Rourke family?” But you know in their
hearts they are thinking how glad they are it didn’t happen to them.
It’s obvious they’re thinking my mom must have done something wrong.
She wasn’t a good enough parent, didn’t supervise Daisy enough,
didn’t call the police soon enough. They wanted to believe the murder
of a teenage girl happened for a reason and they could avoid it, if
they just did everything right. The thing is, I think the exact opposite
is probably true.
So, three months
ago, we had a family meeting. We got out a map of the US and each chose
a city and state. Mom and I did research on ours, Caedan picked his
based on name only, and Lily did the spin-around-and-wherever-your-finger-lands
routine. Thankfully, we pulled mine out of the hat. I don’t know how
I would have felt living in Smackover, Arkansas. Caedan thought it was
hilarious. He is so twelve.
Tonight, my mom
drove us all to Wal-Mart in our new town of Lafayette, Louisiana. School
supplies were the one thing we hadn’t shopped for in the last two
weeks, and school was starting tomorrow.
“Jas, take
your brother and sister to the school supplies, while I go grab stuff
for lunches this week, will you, hon?” my mom asked, as she walked
away without waiting for my reply.
“I was going
to—” I clamped my mouth shut. She didn’t even hear me.
I was stuck with
this life now. I love my brother and sister, but I hadn’t always been
the oldest and in charge of herding them. These are the times Daisy’s
absence hits home the most with me. She had been good with them. I used
to slip into the background. Do my own thing. Sneak off to the books
and browse, while she did her Junior Mommy act. I’m less patient and
easily irritated. I’m angry at Daisy for leaving me here with this
mess. I don’t want to be the responsible one. I want my life back.
I just inherited her spot and, honestly, I don’t want it. Not that
anything is going to change it now.
“I want to
get all matching Justin Bieber school supplies,” Lily decided, as
we found the school supplies section. The place was crawling with kids
and parents getting all their last-minute items. I thought we would
be lucky to find filler paper and some pencils, as picked over as it
all seemed.
Caedan was pushing
the cart around the corners and down the aisles with the precision of
a NASCAR driver on Sunday. He knew that one incident, and his driving
privileges would be revoked. I was trying to find Justin Bieber anything,
as Caedan turned onto the next aisle. Suddenly, I heard a crash and
a loud oomph as I rushed around the other side.
“Caedan!”
I shouted.
“Jas, I’m
sorry I didn’t know he was there. It was an accident,” he pleaded.
“So sorry,”
I mumbled to the man pushing the other cart. He shot me a look and moved
past us. “That’s it! I’m driving.” But when I looked down at
Lily, who had been walking next to Caedan, her eyes were big and full
of tears.
“My Justin
shirt!” she cried out. I looked down, and in the collision her purple
slushy had spilled all over her shirt.
“Don’t be
such a baby! It is just a shirt,” Caedan told her with all the
sensitivity of a pre-teenage boy.
“Shut up, Caedan.
I hate you.” Lily shoved him in the chest.
“Purple is
not your color, Lils.” He was looking at his twin with pure disgust.
People next to
us were starting to stare. I could feel the blood rushing to my face.
Why did anyone have children anyway? They were cretins. By this time
Lily was starting to melt down.
“Okay,
okay, we are going to fix it,” I hurriedly told her. Lily had
always been emotional, but since Daisy’s murder she was hypersensitive
to anything upsetting her world, and Justin Bieber was her world.
Into this chaos,
my mother arrived. In the past, she could handle these situations quietly
and easily. The twins fighting, or Daisy and I arguing over the mess
in our room, would not even get us a raised voice. She was an RN for
geriatric patients, and she was used to calming situations and peacemaking.
Since Daisy’s death, even simple sibling arguments seemed overwhelming
for her.
“What
is going on?” she said between clenched teeth. Lily chose this
moment to burst into full tears, while Caedan started protesting about
it not being his fault and how mean I was not to let him drive. “I
guess it’s too much to ask for you to get one thing done for me without
any uproar,” my mother remarked to me sarcastically. “Jasmine . . .”
The use of my full name was never a good sign. “Go to the car and
get your sister her sweatshirt, while I bring her to the bathroom to
get her cleaned up.” She looked at my brother with narrowed eyes,
“You will stand outside the ladies room door with the cart, quietly,
while I handle the mess you made. And I don’t want to hear another
word from you while we are in this store. Are we clear?”
I made a face
at Caedan behind my mother’s back before I whipped around and stomped
off to the car. Why was his obnoxious behavior my fault again? Whatever.
Being the oldest really was the worst.
As I reached
the electronic sliding doors to the outside, I slowed down and caught
my breath. It had gotten dark since we had been in the store. After
Daisy’s murder I had found myself starting to get anxious in particular
situations. Outside in the dark could be a problem, sometimes escalating
to panic attacks. I tried to keep these little incidents from my mom.
She was definitely starting to pay more attention these days.
I scanned the
parking lot quickly to find the car. My breath started to come in short
gasps. The car was halfway down an aisle, three rows over . . . and not
under a streetlight. Damn! I grabbed my keys out of my purse and stepped
into the lot. I would just hurry. I was being ridiculous. This was Lafayette,
not Los Angeles. I had nothing to worry about here—lots of miles between
us and him.
When I was three
feet from our car, “Hey there,” a male voice said from behind
me. I jumped and squealed at the same time. I turned around fast with
my pepper spray out. Thankfully, I noticed, before I sprayed, that the
nozzle was pointed at me.
“Hey, hey,
sorry. I just, um . . . saw you drop something . . . um . . . here.” A tall
brown-haired boy around my age was holding my mother’s list of school
supplies. He kept moving toward me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I kept backing
up until my rear end hit the end of our car. “Okay. I, uh . . .” I
said weakly. All of a sudden there was a loud buzzing in my ears, and
the world started to tilt.
“Whoa.”
I heard as everything went black.
I could hear
voices around me as I started to wake up.
“Hey,
Sleeping Beauty. No time for a nap,” a deep, soothing voice said
quietly in my ear. “Trenton, what did you do to her? She fainted dead
away.”
I became aware
that I wasn’t on the ground, like when I normally wake up from a faint.
Since this had happened more than a few times in my teenage life, I
found that odd. Due to some hormonal upheaval or whatever, since I hit
puberty, fainting had become a fairly common part of my life. But right
now, I felt warm, surrounded by the most amazing smell. I was not on
the ground with a goose egg on my head as usual. I opened my eyes and
saw the most handsome face I’d ever seen. I thought I must still be
passed out and was dreaming.
“I was
just trying to give her back the paper she dropped, and she acted like
I was gonna attack her or somethin’. I don’t know why she fainted.
I didn’t touch her—I swear. Why would that happen? I can’t believe
you caught her. That was awesome! Is she okay? Do you think there is
something wrong with her?” The grating voice kept on until . . .
“Trenton, shut
up,” the dream said, still looking into my eyes. I tried to shake
my head to wake up and realized I was cradled against his chest like
he had swept me up in his arms.
Not a dream
then. Crap. I became instantly mortified. “I, uh . . . Can you put me
down? Please? I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to faint.” Duh.
“Well, I guess,
if you really want me to,” Dream Guy said as he lowered my feet to
the ground.
I couldn’t
believe he had been holding me while I was passed out. It’s not like
I’m so heavy. I’m actually kind of skinny, but I’m five foot nine,
and he was holding me in the air like I weighed less than a bag of groceries.
Time to make a graceful exit. Or any kind of exit. I probably wouldn’t
be able to accomplish graceful. Who was I kidding?
“Do you normally mean
to faint?” he asked.
“Um, no. Thanks
for catching me. I really have to go,” I babbled, while I searched
for my keys.
“Here,” he
said, as he carefully handed me the keys.
“Thanks,”
I said, as I opened the car and grabbed Lily’s sweatshirt.
“Maybe you
should—” he started to say, but I interrupted.
“I’m fine,
really. Thanks again.” I shut and locked the door. They were both
standing there looking at me like I was nuts. Well, I guess they weren’t
far off. This had to be the most ridiculous moment of my life. My face
felt like it was burning. I meet the cutest guy ever and what do I do?
Faint. Like an idiot. I shouldn’t be shocked.
I gave them a
little wave as I ran/walked back to the store. I concentrated on getting
inside without looking back. If this day was any indication as to how
my life in Lafayette was going to go, I should have closed my eyes and
pointed.
